We’ve all been a part of a break-up at one point in our lives. Sometimes we are the cause, the instigator while other times it may sneak up on us and surprise us. Regardless of the path the break-up takes to get to you, it doesn’t usually hurt any less.
I’ve recently been thinking about my life….this life that I thought I had figured out at age 19. I sit here realizing that what I thought would happen to me hasn’t happened. Does this make me a failure at life…though sometimes it feels that way, it does not. What it has made me realize is that there comes a point in life where one needs to break up with the self of the past in order to move forward to the self of the future. Breaking-up means coming to terms with the relationship – is it a healthy relationship? Is it fruitful? Is it making you the best you? I had an amazing conversation this weekend with some friends that consisted of talking about feelings, talking about how to get through situations, through life, staying true to you but also trying not to hurt anyone in the process. See, growing up means that sometimes you have to break a mold or two, that sometimes you have to take the path less traveled, that sometimes you have to go against what those that love you want for you. This conversation lit something in me and had me thinking all day today about how to get to the me I want to be. How will it happen with the least amount of stress? Well, I can’t ask people around me to change, I can’t really even ask myself to change because I feel I have already done that….what I need to do is break-up with my past self. Let me say it again so it sinks into my brain…I need to break-up with my past self. I need to let go of the past – the dreams I had that now don’t have an opportunity to come true, the timeline of my life (because lets face it…I can’t be done having kids at 25 when I’m already 30) and I need to let go of the worry and fear of failure. For the first time in my life I truly love my job – does this mean that I am going against the grain by believing it is possible for me to be a working mom? That thought does go against everything I know and I thought I wanted…but it is a thought alive and well in me. Do I feel guilty for knowing I can work once there are kids? Absolutely. I absolutely have guilt but this break-up will allow me to release the guilt and look forward to the future. Once this break-up happens and the grieving time happens, I will be able to look forward with wide-eyes, a lit-up outlook to life and an excitement that I feel I have misplaced. I will now look forward to my life with my husband – whatever that brings! We both have our health, our careers, our friends and family and hopefully a family to call our own in the near future. If any of these change, we have each other and that is enough. In holding on to this old relationship with my old self, I am taking up space in my life for my present and my future. By letting go, I am opening up to so many possibilities it is a bit overwhelming but unbelievably exciting!
So, while break-ups are rarely looked forward to…I will say this is the most important break-up of my life and I couldn’t be more thrilled to make the break!